Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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