is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
