does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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