Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
