Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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