so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
