oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
