yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The uberlube is also flammable
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize