I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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