its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
