no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
