chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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