I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize