We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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