Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
