absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
