Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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