1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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