I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
