Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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