Non-Jews are for practice
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize