Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
