Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
