Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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