He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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