He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
