i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
