im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
