is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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