he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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