We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize