life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
