5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
