Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
