I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
