how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
