i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
