So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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