Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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