I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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