I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
