He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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