my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
