Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
