and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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