I'm eating all of the evidence.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
