My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The uberlube is also flammable
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
