ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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