im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
