remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
