i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
are you so shy because you have an std?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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