the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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