life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
