she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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