My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
