meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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