Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
