these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
