im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
