I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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