your parents love me but you hate me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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