You made me cry and you don't even care
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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