you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
