As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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