you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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