One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
