When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
