Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
