I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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