Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
