I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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