It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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