Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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