Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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