so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
as a side note pls kill me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
