Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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