You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
