god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize