there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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