I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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