there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
