I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
