My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize