Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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