I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
