the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
