Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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