cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
