It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
