There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
