Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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