Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
