1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
