he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
