Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
