I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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