I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
